


you were a chapter in my book but i was merely a line in yours

by Jenhoney



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, At least to me it isn't, Break Up, Established Relationship, Hurt, I'm Sorry, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Strangers to Lovers, changkyun was just a college kid w a job, he's like a drifter ig, i don't know what else to tag tbh, it isn't as sad as i'm making this seem i swear, lovers to strangers, minhyuk isn't bad or anything, no happy ending, nor is it super sad, the only comfort comes from jooheon, they meet at the start and get together at the end, this is n o t fluff, this isn't hardcore angst or anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 22:43:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16819915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenhoney/pseuds/Jenhoney
Summary: Minhyuk was a beautiful force of nature, Changkyun was merely a stranger, swallowed and spit out by the tornado that was Minhyuk.





	you were a chapter in my book but i was merely a line in yours

Changkyun saw him, dancing in the snow a quarter passed midnight. His hair was an icy, pure white, rivaling that of the snow crunching below his feet. Changkyun first worried about this man, clothed in a short sleeved shirt, thin pants, and a pair of sneakers, the black of the shoes covered with white. He stepped forward once, twice, drawing the attention of the strange yet enchanting man in the distance. A wave, a beckon of a finger, a wide smile drew him in further. 

"Aren't you cold?" Changkyun asked, the words escaping him before he could hold them back. Three, four, five more steps, and he was there, just in front of the man. He shook his head. "What are you doing out so late? Did you miss your bus?" Another shake. "What is your name?" 

This question seemed worthy of an answer. "Minhyuk. I'm called many more, did you know?" A giggle escaped the man - Minhyuk- as he twirled in the snow, pale arms splotched with reds and purples. He seemed numbed by the cold, fingers tinted with a faint blue and lips cracked. Snowflakes blended with his hair, the only clue they were there being the light hitting them, creating a sort of sparkle within his hair. His lips drew back, teeth bared in a bright smile. "Do you always speak to strange men dancing in the cold?" 

His lips parted for a moment, taken aback by the questions. He was well aware that he kept to himself, ignoring anyone he passed by on the streets. "No, no, I don't. But I haven't exactly seen strange men dancing in the cold until now. I guess it was... unusual and it caught my attention," Changkyun said honestly, the air stirring at his breath and ghosting white. Feeling Minhyuk's attention completely on him, dark eyes focused solely on him, made him squirm, gloved hands clenching around nothing in his pocket and letting go before repeating once again. 

"Oh? Then I'm the first? An honor to have caught your attention." A bow accompanied his words, a hand raising, palm upwards, waiting. Slowly, a gloved hand was placed there, and Minhyuk's cold lips met the glove, a smile in his eyes. "You must not be used to the cold. Gloves, a scarf, a winter coat, even winter boots. Are you from around here, stranger? Do you have a name?" 

More questions, though this time, Changkyun expected them. Minhyuk seemed to be inquisitive, asking more than he answered. "No, I came here to study. I live a few hours away. My name's Changkyun," he answered slowly, his hand slowly retreating, slipping back into his pocket. He was timid, but not afraid. Though Minhyuk was clearly a unique individual, he didn't seem to be bad, or dangerous. 

"Changkyun. Your name resembles you, I hope?" Minhyuk twirled again, seemingly dancing to music only he could hear. "Why are you out so late, Changkyun?" Changkyun's name rolled off his tongue like a chant, each syllable caressed in a way that made Changkyun feel as if his name was a prayer. 

"I stayed back to cover a friend's shift at work. He had to study, so I just told him to worry about class," Changkyun explained, content with not having to ask too many questions, having to carry a conversation on his own. He felt comfortable with Minhyuk, odd as the man was. "Why are you out so late?" 

"Why am I out so late? Mm, I don't want to go home, Changkyun. Too many bad memories. Too much to think about. Too much to worry about. Would you stay with me, Changkyun? Do you trust me, even with what little you know about me?" Minhyuk's lips curled up in a sad smile, long fingers brushing along Changkyun's cheek, icy against his chilled skin. "If you stayed with me, I'd tell you everything you'd like to know about me, Changkyun. I'm very open."

Changkyun found himself nodding, at first slow, before it became more certain. He felt that he could trust Minhyuk, believing that, if the man planned to cause any harm, he would've done so by now.

Another brush of fingers against Changkyun's cheek. "Say it with words, Changkyun. I'm not going anywhere with you if you can't tell me for certain." 

"Yes, I trust you. I'll stay with you," Changkyun said firmly, nodding once again. 

Minhyuk smiled once again, this one reaching his eyes. "Then come with me." 

~

It had been five months since he met Minhyuk, three since they'd started to date. Changkyun knew everything about the man, but still, he felt as if he knew nothing. He knew Minhyuk's favorite meal, but not where his home was. He knew Minhyuk's favorite season, but not his friends. He knew names of people in Minhyuk's life, but never faces. He knew so much, yet so little. 

"Changkyunnie, come here," Minhyuk called out, sat down comfortably on the couch of their now-shared apartment. "Your favorite show is on." 

He walked into the living room after turning the stove down, allowing their food to cook slower. He tried to sit beside Minhyuk, instead being pulled into the older boy's lap, arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Fingers ran through his hair, a chin resting atop his shoulder, a soft hum in his ear keeping his attention from the show. "Hyung," he started, deciding that any sort of attention placed on the drama wasn't worthwhile. He could barely even understand what they were saying. 

"Hmm?" 

"I, um, don't feel like watching this right now." 

"Then what do you want to do?" 

"Um, I guess talk." 

Changkyun could feel Minhyuk's smile against his own cheek, the skin stretching and Minhyuk's arms tightening. "Oh? What about, Changkyunnie?" 

"I don't know. How about you tell me more about yourself?" 

There was a pause. Minhyuk's fingers stopped drumming against Changkyun's stomach. "But why? Don't you know enough about me, Changkyunnie?" 

"I mean, you can never know too much about the person you're dating, can you? You know I cry when I have the flu." 

"I know that because you got the flu two weeks ago." 

"Okay, fair enough, but don't you want to know more about me too?" 

Minhyuk paused, seeming to be deep in thought. A thoughtful hum escaped his lips, tongue darting out to wet them. "I suppose. I like learning from experience rather than conversation, but I guess we can talk." 

Changkyun wasn't sure if he was meant to take this as a win, but he'd take what he could get. 

"Well, Changkyunnie, what do you want to know? I know you're not great at conversation." 

Minhyuk had him there. 

"Um, what's your favorite song?" 

"Yours. That one you've been working on. _Fly With Me_ , you called it? That's my favorite song." 

Taken aback, Changkyun turned to gawk at him. "Really? Why?" 

"It's yours. You have a sexy voice." Minhyuk said, almost as if it were the most obvious thing, a smile on his lips. 

Nodding slowly, Changkyun leaned back into Minhyuk's hold. 

"What about yours? What's your favorite song?" 

"Ah. I, um, haven't listened to music in a while. Not actual music, anyway. Maybe Jooheonie-hyung's song...?" Changkyun trailed off, thoughtful. He hadn't listened to music much since he'd started making his own, only listening to his best friend's tracks to offer advice or praise. As for regular music, he hadn't had the time nor the mind to listen to any. 

"Cute." 

"Ah, anyway, um, any hidden talents?" 

"Haven't you seen those in the bedroom?" Minhyuk's face looked far too innocent for those words. 

"Hey! You know what I'm talking about!" 

"Mmm, I can give a mean lap dance. Maybe dance too, if I really tried." Minhyuk said with a laugh, raising a large hand to run his fingers through Changkyun's hair. 

"Ah, you can only dance to girl groups." 

"Maybe. What about you?" 

"Well, when I try really hard, I can touch my nose with my tongue-" 

"Aaaaand you're a dork. Next question?" Minhyuk had a teasing smile on his lips, winking at Changkyun as he spoke. 

Why did he wink? 

"Favorite place to be?" 

"Your arms. Next?" 

Changkyun blushed. 

"I can't think of anything else." He admitted after a moment, red spreading from his cheeks to his ears. 

"That's alright. You didn't even need to know about what you asked, after all." 

"Fair enough." 

~ 

Somehow, Changkyun knew that what he had with Minhyuk wasn't permanent. It was temporary. He hadn't expected it to last this long. He was almost upset it'd lasted this long. It took 66 days to form a habit, and now, everything he did revolved around Minhyuk. All the habits he ended up with, taking care of Minhyuk, spending time with Minhyuk, it was ingrained in him now. 

It was almost their two year anniversary, the two of them walking in the snow. It was dark out, very few people actually roaming. It was a day before Christmas Eve, something Changkyun hadn't noticed. They'd met just before Christmas Eve, gotten together on Valentine's Day. Kinda funny, that. 

"Changkyunnie, how do you feel about me?" Minhyuk asked, fingers laced with Changkyun's. 

Changkyun looked at their laced hands, both of them lacking a glove. He sighed quietly as he brought Minhyuk's hand into his pocket. Both of their free hands had a glove, both belonging to Changkyun. 

"What do you mean exactly?" He asked instead of answering. 

"Like, do you love me?" Minhyuk asked, gloved hand tugging at the hoodie he wore, one of Changkyun's older ones, one that smelled purely of Changkyun. 

"What if I do?" Changkyun asked cautiously, stopping to turn his attention to Minhyuk. 

"I'd tell you that's a bad idea, I guess." Minhyuk shrugged as he spoke, eyes straying from Changkyun's. There was a darkness to them Changkyun had never seen, a sadness he couldn't understand. 

"Why would it be a bad idea?" 

"I don't... I don't stick around long. One, two, maybe three years tops and I always leave. I get bored of staying in one place too long." 

"Isn't that lonely?" 

Minhyuk hesitated a moment, eyes downcast and face hardening.

"Yeah, but being with someone's lonely too, don't you think? You never know what they think, what they feel. What they say could be something entirely different to what they mean. How they act can be the opposite of what they want. People make me lonelier than me being alone." 

"But... hyung, isn't that what's great about people? They say one thing, and maybe they mean something else, but you have to get close and earn their trust to hear and understand how they feel. They care about you as much as you care about them, or sometimes more." 

"You don't get it, do you, Changkyunnie?" Minhyuk spat out, a smile on his face. It looked pained, hurt, broken. "People... they're some of the most selfish creatures. They take what they want and expect you to give what they need. They hate for no reason, and love intensely, but it's never returned. It's all pointless." 

"Hyung, it's returned by the right people. You can't find the right people if you leave, you know?"

"You really don't know anything, Changkyunnie." Minhyuk cooed, fingers running through Changkyun's hair. His voice was sweet, his words filled with acid. "You didn't catch on to what I said? People love intensely, but it isn't returned." 

Changkyun paused, his brows furrowed. 

"Are you saying that you're leaving because I love you?" He asked slowly, looking at Minhyuk with pained eyes. 

"That's part of it. The other part of it is that you're boring me. It gets boring when someone gives you everything you want at the blink of an eye. Don't make a habit out of that, Changkyunnie. You'll end up hurt." Minhyuk murmured, pressing his lips to Changkyun's in a chaste kiss. It was dry, cold. 

It drained Changkyun. It hurt him.

"Maybe we'll meet again?" 

Something in Changkyun cracked. Maybe it was his heart. Maybe it was his patience. Maybe it was his mind. 

He scowled, ripping off Minhyuk's - his - glove and throwing it to the ground. He gathered snow in his bare hand, throwing it at Minhyuk with his lips parted in a soundless scream. His eyes burnt. His chest hurt. He was tired. 

"Why? Why would you waste my time? _Don't make a habit of it, Changkyunnie?_ It takes 66 days to make a habit! Why? Why did you stay this long? If it wasn't meant to be a habit, you should've left before you pushed your way into my heart!" He shouted, tears stinging in his eyes. 

More snow pelted Minhyuk, Changkyun's fingers already starting to stiffen from the cold. Wet tears soaked his cheeks, the wind biting at his cheeks. He sunk to his knees, eyes filled with confusion and hurt. 

"Why would you...?" He trailed off, voice hoarse from shouting, hands trembling, from what, he didn't know. 

"I'll call Jooheon." Minhyuk said, taking Changkyun's phone from his pocket, backing away before Changkyun could raise his hands to push him away. 

Changkyun bared his teeth, holding in the sob that threatened to wrack through his body. Why was he crying? Why did it hurt so much? He knew it would happen, knew from the way Minhyuk would deliberately close himself off at the smallest of things, knew it in the way Minhyuk looked at him. Why did he let himself fall so hard? 

He knew why, though he wouldn't let himself accept it. He'd allowed Minhyuk to enter his heart, to make a home. He did it because Minhyuk had told him he was everything he needed. He did it because Minhyuk allowed him. They both knew the outcome, of course, but neither seemed to care about how much it would hurt. Changkyun found himself scoffing, the bitterness of the situation resting on his tongue and making him want to spit out the taste. 

"Jooheon's on his way. I'm sorry, Changkyun." Minhyuk said softly, kneeling beside Changkyun and tucking his phone into the hand covered with snow, fingers tinted blue and palms splotchy. He ran his fingers through Changkyun's hair, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. "I thought that, maybe, you could be the one I stayed with. You're too good for me, Changkyunnie. I'm sorry. I love you." 

Minhyuk stood after that, the footprints in the snow and the faint sound of snow being crushed beneath his feet being the only evidence that he was ever there.

Changkyun shifted, his knees already numb from the cold beneath them, but he couldn't stand. His joints felt too frozen, his arms too weak to push up from the ground. Tears still stung in his eyes, the air disturbed by his uneven breaths and ghosting white in front of him. He looked up, catching the faintest glimpse of a figure in the distance dancing, though the dance seemed sad, broken. The dancer seemed drained, tired.

Changkyun knew it was him. 

He didn't know how much time had passed when Jooheon's arms wrapped around him, lifting him to his feet and hugging him tightly, apologizing and comforting him, pressing gentle kisses to his forehead to try to calm him. He didn't know when he'd started crying again, when he clutched Jooheon's winter coat and held him close to his chest, allowing himself to sob into his shoulder. 

He didn't know that Minhyuk would've been a chapter in his book, while he'd only been a line in the other's. He didn't know Minhyuk was a tornado, a force of nature, that would swallow Changkyun whole and spit him out later, damaged and filled with distrust. 

He didn't know. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! this is a bit different than what i usually write and i apologize if it isn't super good, i abandoned this for a while and the draft was gonna be auto-deleted in 3 days so i decided to finish it! i hope you enjoy! hit me up on [tumblr!!](https://xjenhoneybearx.tumblr.com/) <3


End file.
